Kaylee’s Story
MY PERSONAL CONNECTION WITH DEMENTIA
I was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest and have had a passion for music for as long as I can remember. In fact, music was my path to reconnecting with my dad after a serious car accident left him with a Traumatic Brain Injury. I was just five years old when dementia touched my family. My dad’s recovery was never guaranteed so for a while, our visits consisted of my mom moving all of the tubes and wires connected to his body out of the way so that I could snuggle up to him in the hospital bed. He was in a coma for weeks so that’s all we really could do, and as a card carrying “Daddy’s Girl” all I wanted was to feel close to him. When he woke up my whole family had been erased from his memory. I felt the sting when the love in my father’s eyes was replaced by a look of bewilderment. He didn’t remember me, my brother, my sister, or my mom either. For the adults, they had expected this, but for me it was like my heart became a lead balloon. There was no light behind his eyes, no spark - nobody home.
HOW MUSIC SAVED OUR FAMILY
Still, my mom encouraged us to reach out to him and find ways to interact. For me that meant telling him about what I’d learned that day in my Kindergarten class. The day I sang him a song we had learned in class was the first day that twinkle returned to his eye and he looked at me with the faintest glimmer of recognition. After weeks of blank stares, that first moment of authentic connection is seared into my mind. Music became our shared language and it was a gift he had given me before his accident. I had spent many afternoons on his knee singing songs while he strummed away on his guitar; now music was the gift I could give back to him. Music was my portal to his world and his respite from his isolation; music was the foundation upon which we rebuilt our entire relationship. I've found that no matter what obstacles are laid in the way of connection and communication, music always has the power to break through. It’s this powerful tool that drives me to help other families find those moments of profound reconnection with their loved ones who are living with dementia; to go from the pain of being forgotten to the sheer joy of singing a song at the top of your lungs together. I’ve walked this path and I want to help other people find these moments with the people they love.
HOW I PUT THESE LESSONS TO WORK
When I attended Berklee College of Music in Boston it was no surprise that I found a passion for the work of music therapy. I was finally able to put a name to what was happening between my dad and me and to sink my teeth into an understanding of why music works in this way and why music can be such a powerful tool in our brains. I took every opportunity to explore our relationship with music as human beings and how I could harness its power both inside and outside the classroom. I became board-certified when I moved back home to Edmonds in 2013 and started my own private practice in music therapy. Ever since earning my credentials I've been in love with the work of music therapy in memory care and hospice. Music in this setting has the power to "awaken" people living with dementia and allow them to reminisce, speak and sing with ease, and share precious moments with their loved ones in which they are fully and uniquely present. I am thrilled to be a part of the Creative Dementia Collective whose mission and values are the same ones that have guided my work for my entire professional career and throughout my own relationships in life.
